Fifteen minutes and eight dollars later, the Red Top taxi that had whisked me to my stolen vehicle sped away from the crowded residential neighborhood where my car was parked. The change compartment had been emptied, my six-dollar tripod was missing and the contents of my glove compartment were dramatically strewn about the car, but otherwise my car was pin the same condition I’d left in on New Year’s Eve. In fact, I looked at the ignition and inspected the door locks, but still fond no evidence of how this crime was committed.
OK. As straightforward as all of this may seem, this experience immediately calls my attention to far more metaphysical considerations. I am truly grateful to have my car returned to me in the way it has been. I don’t think I really need to go into the details of the various ways this could have worked. In the end, I wish my car being stolen wouldn’t have weighed on me as much as it has.
Anyway, all’s well that ends well. I now have two cars and a few decisions to make.

I was supposed to start working at Epilogue yesterday to help them move. Unfortunately, I was only able to work for an hour before being sent home for the night, which really puts me in an awkward position. I’ve been rescheduling my priorities to accommodate my obligations, and that adds a bit of stress to the mix. Going through that just for an hour and a half of work forces me to reevaluate this priority. I wish I could come up with a better solution, but I can’t, and I don’t have the time to fuss with it, so I’m getting out.

I am the most shallow person on the face of the earth. I didn’t see it coming. It’s not at all pretty. And there’s nothing to be done about it.

Among many other things, I’m dealing with a couple of technical issues that relate to my “activist” site, brownequalsterrorist.com. Sure, I’ve had all kind of fun little experiences while trying to resolve technical issues relating to my web sites over the last couple of years, but this one is well beyond my level of experience.
I’ve tried to cast blindly out into the internet for help, but I haven’t had any luck so far. If it really thrills you that much, you can check out my cries for help on the following web sites:

• Movable Type forum
  
• phpBB forum

I’ve got a lot of stuff on my plate at the moment. Among other things, I’m in cotact with several community agencies, I’m in contact with WorkSource again regarding the possibility of finding money for school (which doesn’t look good), and I’ve got a new job pospect that could be calling at any moment.
I have been most grateful for the kind words and support of friends and family. Thanks, all.

If you were following recent events then you know that some concerns have been raised lately regarding some of the content on this site. Most recently, I offered that I hadn’t seen anything wrong with the writings in question, and that I’d decided to keep them online until such a time as I was persuaded that I’d actually done something wrong.
Well, the long and the short of it is that someone has kindly offered a perspective that I hadn’t considered, this time offering specific concerns about the content. It was really that simple. If you know me at all, then you realize my personal motivations prevent me from continuing in a course of action if I realize my actions can result in someone else’s harm. As anticlimactic as it may be, I can only report that I wasn’t bullied or threatened into acquiescence, but that I just realized that those entries, indeed, had the potential to cause harm, so I chose to remove them.
Being nowhere near my own computer at that moment, I took those entries offline from a remote location and posted my brief “appology.” (Nice spelling, huh?) They are safe and secure– removed from public access. I’m considering options for password protecting them, or making them anonymous in order to protect the interests of others. Until I find a suitable solution, they will remain inaccessible.
I sincerely hope that this satisfactorily addresses the concerns of all of the involved parties, and demystifies the situation for my (two or three) readers.

To say that Narelle is someone of significance in my life is understate this relationship. It’s not just that she’s been rock-solid through some of the worst (and I do mean the worst) moments of my life. It’s not just that I admire her good nature, sarcasm and thoughtfulness. It’s something more. I guess I can best convey my feelings by saying that she’s one of the only people I can talk to about God (or the devil) without feeling a need to defend or justify my viewpoint.
Anyway, over a month ago we had a nice, long chat. During our exhaustive conversation, I plainly stated my observations regarding her ongoing determination to become a mother

While I am feeling better physically, I am seriously bothered about this latest demonstration of hypocrisy. I feel quite terrible about this; that I’ve betrayed the fundamental metaphysical values I’ve been perusing. Worse still, I don’t know where to draw the line anymore.
For the moment, I’m seeking relief in Vicoden-shaped intervals. Between these and the turkey dinner Mary made tonight, I am praying for a good night’s sleep,and a little bit of enlightenment.
p.s.: I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for Mary’s help today.

About three and a half years ago I had a massive falling out with my friends, relating to circumstances involving one of my closest, longest and most trusted friendships. I was utterly heartbroken over this personal loss. Although it was clear to me that there was a great imbalance in the situation, my friend(s) made no sincere effort to address or rectify matters, and my feelings on the matter were trivialized and dismissed. This sense of betrayal foreshadowed the change in our relationship.
Of course, the actuality of my reaction reflected none of the eloquence that may seem to be implied by the clarity of my previous statements. I was a raving asshole about it all. It was too personal. My friend had made thoughtless remarks and personal attacks, and had passed clear judgments on my most cherished ideals. Although I wanted to “love my neighbor” and to “turn the other cheek,” I found it impossible to exercise the sincerity or grace which my metaphysical studies require. Aware of the profound hypocrisy of my personal shortcomings, I became intolerant–especially to myself.
Mutual friendships were affected. Although I had kept the details of this sordid affair restricted to the involved parties, it wasn’t long before I noticed distinct changes among our mutual friends. People distanced themselves. I couldn’t fathom why friends, good people had previously stood by me through tough times, would start treating me so differently without ever asking me directly what was happening.
Being the power-brain that I am, I resolved to drown my sorrows, and nothing helps to spread collateral damage as well as alcohol abuse. The selfishness of my pain made easy targets of these mutual friends. My unwillingness to pursue these matters directly assured unilateral fallout. (To a large extent, I relied on the understanding that the truth is the truth, regardless of my saying it. Experience dictates that the truth always comes out in the end.)
The one friend who did stand by me throughout this ugliness was Mary. She became just as distanced as I from familiar relationships, and shared my sense of loss. She never played sides, curried favor, or manipulated in any way. She tolerated my endless review of the circumstances — those times when I questioned my own sanity for feeling so upset– and always returned kindness and compassion. I am eternally grateful.
Obviously, these issues are something that I continue to work with and learn from today. For the last three and a half years I have mourned this loss. While Mary and I have made drastic adjustments to our lifestyle during this time, I am still unable to declare that this situation has been healed, but only compensated for. More honestly, I find the very apex of this issue to be a nothing but a bunch of shit.
Forever a special memory, Kerry’s was one of the precious friendships affected in this falling out. For three and a half years I’ve been aware that I’ve had coincidental possession of her property, but I’ve retreated from the idea of returning her books directly to her for one “good” excuse or another. It wasn’t convenient, or it wasn’t important, or it wouldn’t make one damn bit of a difference anyway. For whatever reason, and for no good reason, I’ve allowed selfishness to take precedence over good conscience.
Coming across her books again today I guess I finally just had enough. So, I called Kerry at her work this morning and explained that I wanted to return her books, entirely at her convenience. Although I’d offered to mail them to her, she thanked me and suggested that I meet her at the OP tonight.
The evils which enslave me are so unimaginably unimportant in comparison to that good discerned in moments of clarity, and I am too often paralyzed by the magnitude of this contradiction. No matter the wrong of the day or the apparent evil contributing to the circumstance, I have encountered too many kind souls to ever remain satisfied with the ugly little picture of things.
It is my sincere desire to put all of “this” behind me. I have to try.