Mary and I just got back from the park, and I thought this would be a great time to share a little bit of how I’m feeling with all of my readers. Sorry that I’m not being as nice as usual, but I think it’s important for some of you to know just how difficult this gets for me at times. It’s not as easy as it looks.
It’s a beautiful day here in Ballard, and the forecast of 82°f (that’s 27.78°c) seem to have been conservative. The skies are almost completely could free, and the few clouds we do have are being held over the mountains across the water, kept at bay by mysterious forces. Birds are chirping and children are playing on the sidewalks and yards near my apartment building. It’s a little slice of heaven.
There’s no lack of good activities in the Ballard (Seattle) area. The Fremont Fair is running this weekend, which would be a wonderful photo opportunity for all of those photography students out there. Of course, since I feel the need to make the most of what little time I do have, I’ve spent most of my morning working on my new web site. It’s fair to say that I’ve been exorcising my demons.
At noon Mary has finally convinced me that it’s time to get out of the house for a little while. Her concern for my (our) mental well-being is appropriate and appreciated. I can still hear my freinds words from last night: “You need to relax.” Yeah, I need to stop obsessing.So, when I actually do get away from my computer, it doesn’t take long to gather Willy and a notebook and jump in the car. Just like all of those other times, we’re headed to the local dog park.
On the way to the park, which means taking the main road in that area, I can’t help but notice that the train bridge is up. Wow. How can you miss it? I should be thinking about lighting and camera angles, but instead I’m haunted by Special Agent McNamara’s lecture. It’s a bad dream sequence. “The minute you took a photo of federal property you broke the law.” Yet, there’s the bridge, raised in all of its glory for all of the world to bask in its splendor. Tour busses are parked in neat lines near famous tourist restaurants, and I can’t help but think about how many of them have cameras.
What an absolute crock of shit. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m really trying to not be so pissed off, but I’ve really been wronged here. Who’s going to tell me that the cops don’t realize that profiling is a grey area of the law? Judging Agent McNamara’s cute little smile, I’m guessing that they knew it would be hard if not impossible for me to do anything about it the entire time. Smug little fucker, forcing me to be photographed against my will. How humiliating. Who’s going to step up to this challenge and insist that a crime has been committed? How can these trusted officials get away with misrepresenting the law like that? What a bunch of thugs,
See? That’s what I’m up against. This situation perpetuates hostility. I really don’t want to be reduced to being just another brother pissed at the man. I want to believe in the system to some extent. I need to believe that people can discern between right and wrong. Those men have no idea about the hell I’m going through right now, but they really should. I’m doing everything I can to not hate, but I’m still surrounded by smiling tourists that don’t have a clue as to what I’ve just gone thorough.
So, back to what I want: Well, I don’t want to be so afraid of my government. Don’t be fooled, despite all appearances, this isn’t just about this incident at the Ballard Locks. When I go back to school in the fall, I WANT TO FEEL SAFE!
OK, enough of that for the moment. Shake it off and keep going…
